just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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