id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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