i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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