Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize