Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize