Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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