dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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