I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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