i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize