I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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