Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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