non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize