My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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