I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize