Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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