I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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