bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
is it fun? or sober?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize