I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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