There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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