I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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