Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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