with your own penis?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize