Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't deserve a penis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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