she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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