It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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