apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize