haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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