Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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