Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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