Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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