I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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