I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Two words: nipple clamps
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