I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize