I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we should paint friendship bongs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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