so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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