I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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