Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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