The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize