operation harelip BJ is a go
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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