just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
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Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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