Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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