smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize