why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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