sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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