Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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