gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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