just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
