hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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