im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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