I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
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I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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